The happiness advice you've been given is wrong.
The happiness advice you've been given is wrong.
I've lived at the extremes of life's biggest temptations and can tell you how to navigate them without being destroyed by them.
Let me share one year where I experienced both rock bottom and the heights of luxury, then I'll show you how to handle life's most seductive forces more intelligently.
One year when I was studying dentistry in India, I was eating the same 'basic' meal of rice, dahl, one vegetable curry, roti, water for 6 months straight.
For lunch and dinner.
That is 360x in the period of 6 months.
It cost $1 per day. (Great money efficiency, but really taxing on the mind when you think it's more like prison slop after 100x in a row of eating it)
Now, my body state was not good towards the end of it, being very skinny, pretty much anorexic. Focusing on work fully while ignoring all internal signs and the people around me while my mental and physical health deteriorated.
It was to be frank, one of the worst periods of my life. Fortunately there is always a silver lining to every situation.
A few months later, as the holiday periods approached, I decided to go back home to New Zealand fairly last minute (to recover my body and mental state).
On the way back home in Mumbai a friend helped show me the complete other side of the equation.
He helped organize 5 star hotel accommodation for the night, with private chauffeur to take me around.
2 very big bodied bodyguards to make sure I made it to the hotel on time. (Totally over top, but it was a great experience regardless).
Then that very night before having to go to the airport the following day, my friend took me to red carpet super car unveiling event (very high class).
I had no good clothes with me, but the people were friendly and understanding of my situation.
We went to the event in a dark green Jaguar 2 seater super-car!
Turned up to the red carpet, paparazzi and all and had a good time!
Few A-list actors around, and many, many 'high class' people.
That night I saw both sides of extreme wealth and status. You could easily spot the predators - dealers, enablers, and manipulators - circling the rich and famous. I was even offered substances but declined, even knowing it might exclude me from the group.
Within hours, I watched people lose themselves to excess - some clearly high, others desperately chasing validation, all trapped by forces they couldn't see.
There is a theme to this story - one that explains why so many people struggle with finding lasting satisfaction.
Thomas Aquinas, a 13th century Italian priest and influential philosopher, identified what he called the four false idols that humans tend to worship:
Money
Power
Pleasure
Fame
Now you might not be eating $1 meals or riding in Jaguars to red carpet events, but these four forces are still controlling your daily decisions in subtle ways.
Consider your current life goals. Are you:
Staying in a job you hate for financial security? (Money)
Avoiding risks to protect your status? (Power)
Scrolling social media for validation? (Fame)
Using shopping or entertainment to avoid problems? (Pleasure)
All of us struggle with these four idols to some degree - it's part of being human.
But what makes your life much happier is developing a healthy relationship with these forces. They can't be your sole obsessions or primary drivers, because I've seen what both extremes look like - and neither leads to genuine satisfaction.
The goal isn't to eliminate these drives entirely - that's impossible. Instead, you need to recognize when they're controlling your choices and decide consciously how much energy to give them.
The outcome that you want is freedom - the ability to engage with money, power, fame, and pleasure when they serve your values, and step back when they don't. Instead of being unconsciously driven by these forces, you become the conscious architect of your relationship with them.
Let's go over some ways to address each idol. So you can reach and work towards a life with more happiness.
Money
Here are some more normal scenarios that you could be facing. (For each idol reflect what you currently after).
Trying to find a job that pays better, regardless of what the work involves
Buying things you don't need to feel successful
Constantly comparing your income to others
Making financial decisions based on fear rather than values
The most common money traps involve chasing more without defining enough, making fear-based decisions, and using purchases for emotional validation. Here's how to build a healthier relationship with money:
Start by defining your "enough number" - the specific amount you actually need for security, basic comfort, and the life you want. This prevents the endless cycle of wanting 40% more no matter what you earn. When that number is clear, you can make career decisions based on growth, values, and meaningful work rather than just chasing the highest salary. For purchases, use the 24-hour rule for anything non-essential over [insert your amount] - this breaks the impulse buying that feeds status anxiety. Most importantly, when you catch yourself comparing your income to others or making financial choices from fear, pause and ask: "Does this decision align with my values and my enough number, or am I feeding the money idol?
Power
Avoiding vulnerability because it feels like weakness
Micromanaging others to feel in control
Climbing the corporate ladder at work
Making decisions based on ego rather than what's best
The power idol makes you chase control and status while avoiding anything that feels like weakness. Here's a better approach:
Focus on building influence through competence rather than seeking control through position. When making decisions, ask "What's best for the outcome?" instead of "What makes me look good?" This shifts you from ego-driven choices to effective leadership that people naturally respect. Practice being vulnerable in small ways - admitting when you don't know something or asking for help. Real power comes from confidence in your abilities, not from micromanaging others or climbing ladders just for status.
Pleasure
Watching that one extra Netflix episode
Using entertainment to avoid difficult conversations or tasks
Scrolling your socials for a bit too long
Procrastinating with "just five more minutes" of distraction
Emotional eating when stressed
The pleasure idol turns entertainment and comfort into escape mechanisms that keep you stuck. Here's how to use pleasure consciously:
Use the 2-minute rule when you're avoiding something difficult - commit to just 2 minutes of the hard task first. Often you'll keep going once you start. Set specific times for entertainment rather than using it as endless distraction. When you catch yourself reaching for food, social media, or Netflix to avoid stress or discomfort, pause and ask: "Am I using this as a reward or as an escape?" Pleasure works best when it's earned and intentional, not when it's running your life.
Fame
Posting on social media mainly for likes and comments
Not satisfied with the amount of followers/friends/circle that you have
Seeking validation from people that don't even care about you
Name-dropping to seem more important
Feeling jealous when others get recognition
The fame idol makes you chase external validation and compare your recognition to others. Here's how to break free:
Create for your own satisfaction first, then share. If you're genuinely proud of your work, external validation becomes a bonus rather than a necessity. When posting on social media, ask yourself: "Am I sharing this because it's valuable or because I want attention?" Focus on earning respect from people whose opinions actually matter to you, not strangers on the internet. When you feel jealous of others' recognition, use it as data - what specifically do you admire about their success, and how can you build that in your own life?
The path to genuine happiness isn't avoiding these forces or chasing them blindly - it's becoming the conscious architect of your relationship with them. Start with one idol that resonates most, and practice these strategies until they become second nature.
Want More? Ready to become the conscious architect of your own life? I share insights like this every week on navigating life's biggest challenges without being destroyed by them. Get the next newsletter at Sameer Vithal
